before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
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I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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