my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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