let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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