yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize