I think I won the penis lottery.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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