8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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