spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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