Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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