my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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