how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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