omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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