Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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