i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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