And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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