I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
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Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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