What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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