i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
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He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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