I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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