what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
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He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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