You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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