Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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