Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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