I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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