wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
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he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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