They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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