I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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