Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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