In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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