and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize