i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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