he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
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I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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