Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
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I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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