Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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