i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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