you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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