Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize