you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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