May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize