I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
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I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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