New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize