You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
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The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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