so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
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Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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