If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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