Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't deserve a penis
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I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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