I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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