I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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