I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize