a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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