So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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