New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize