Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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