We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this boner is exhausting
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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